Another Transformers Christmas Song!
by The Crab
Summary: It's another Christmas song! From the same mind that brought 'A Transformers Christmas Song' and 'How Optimus Found Out About Christmas'. Optimus needs help to save the day, and only His Holiness and his eye lasers can suffice!


It's that time of year, its Christmas time!

Optimus must again save the day, all while performing a rhyme!

One year has passed, since he did his time at the mall

And in 2005 he's all prepared, all ready to have a ball!

But this year shall be different, this year shall be new

For when Prime faces Megatron, he won't know what to do

But I shall tell you this story, and I shall tell it now

For when it's over, you'll all be screaming 'Wow!'

It was a normal day at the Autobot base, all of the human kids were dead

All of the Autobots killed them, with bloody thoughts in every head

But then Optimus barged in, a Christmas tree in tow

He threw it at Jetfire, and gave Hot Shot a pretty red bow

"It's Christmas time, you scallywags!" Prime declared loudly

"Oh for the love of Primus…" Jetfire raised his middle finger proudly

"For two years, you put us through this crap." Hot Shot said with his voice low

"I'm not doing it anymore." He threw to the ground his pretty red bow

Optimus slapped the rookie across the face

And then slowly he reached for his mace

"Make the tree look real pretty." He said, swinging his mace around

"Or else to the wall you will be bound."

Red Alert asked, "Why does Prime talk so weird this time of year?"

"Because that way, I can control your fear."

Prime didn't make sense, but no one asked why

For if they did, they would surely die

"Make the tree real pretty." Optimus gave the command.

"Vector Prime and I will go out to the mall and form a band."

For forty days and forty nights, Optimus and Vector Prime rocked out

Before security came along, and they got knocked out

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" The familiar laugh sounded

Megatron drifted down from the air, and quickly got pounded

"Megatron, you prick!" Optimus screamed

"You sent security after us, or so it seemed!"

Megatron grinned and said "Your feeble attack didn't even make me itch."

He zapped Optimus with electricity, and Prime screamed "That hurt you son of a bitch!"

He looked to Vector Prime, a pleading look in his eyes

"Help me, Vector Prime! Don't believe Megatron's lies!"

Vector Prime looked to Optimus, a confused look in his eyes. "Why do you and that voice over keep rhyming? I don't understand it."

"It's a Christmas song, Vector Prime." Optimus said. "Just roll with it. You're breakin' my balls."

"Oh… Er… Alright…"

As we were _saying_…

Vector Prime looked to Optimus, a confused look in his eyes

"I cannot help you with this. You're on your own for pies."

Optimus groaned loudly. "You suck at rhyming."

He gestured wildly with his arms. "Ya don't even have good timing!"

The Prime looked up to the sky, in his optics a look of plea

"Primus, send someone with rhyming skills to help me…"

Suddenly, an airplane shot across the sky, and with it came hope

For the one who dramatically leaped from the plane was The Pope!

"Be gone, spawn of Satan!" His Holiness screamed out

He started forming Naruto hand seals, and moving his arms about

Optimus began searching for his secret weapon, the super tazers,

When he realized he didn't need them, The Pope fired his eye lasers!

Megatron screamed as he was hit, and he was down for the count

And Optimus quickly raided his wallet, trying to find money to amount

The Pope landed on the ground, and preformed the cross over his chest

And Prime stared at the aged man, he was certainly among the best!

"My son," His Holiness said to Prime. "You are indeed a hero to some."

He folded his arms. "But in His eyes and my eyes, you're simply dumb."

"… What?" Optimus asked, full of Shock (Tarts)

"How can that be? I just ate some Cherry Pop Tarts!"

The Pope began. "You are dumb because you fail to see…"

He looked over to Vector Prime. "How valuable your teammates can be."

"What?" Vector Prime asked.

"I think I understand." Optimus reluctantly compliled

"They are the greatest! I love them all!" He compulsively lied

"I am glad, my son." The Pope said with a smile

"Now if you'll excuse me, I must go rescue the Nile."

And so The Pope flew away, with his fist in the air

Optimus looked to Vector Prime, with his mind set on a dare

"Alright Vector Prime." Optimus began. "This is what I want you to do while I drink beer."

He looked to Megatron's unconscious body, and whispered in Vector Prime's ear…

Vector Prime blinked, and nodded a lot

"You can count on me." He said to Prime.

"DAMMIT!" Prime screamed. "You're supposed to do something that rhymes with 'Lot'. Geeze, ruin the whole song why don't ya, douche bag…"

"Sorry, my bad." Vector Prime replied.

On Christmas day, at the Decepticon Base

Megatron was in his throne, and everyone made haste

Crumplezone and Ransack decorated the tree

While Sideways let tourists in while charging a fee

Starscream sat in the corner, snickering at his incredibly good luck

And Mudflap, with apron and hat, made to perfection the Christmas duck

Scourge had on his Santa Hat, lighting the fireplace ablaze

When suddenly the mailman came, with something to amaze

He handed to Megatron, a envelope with a stamp

Then he went back to his mailman car, complete with a tramp

Megatron opened the envelope, and inside was a Christmas card

And the photo on the front made him feel like a retard

The picture showed, Megatron passed out cold

With Optimus and Vector Prime looking very bold

On Megatron's head was a fluffy pink Santa hat

And a red and white jacket that made him look fat

"Merry Christmas from the Autobots!" The card read within

Megatron had wide optics, at the way they dressed him up in

Mudflap declared loudly, "I've finished the duck!"

Megatron, still glaring at the card, popped a blood vessel in his head.

"F#$K!"

At the Autobot Base, everyone was really happy

Except for Optimus, who was getting real sappy

"It's almost over again." He complained. "Christmas is almost gone."

He suddenly grinned. "But it won't be for long!"

Jetfire blinked, and fell over anime-style

"Why don'tcha give this whole Christmas thing a rest for a while?"

Optimus slapped Jetfire for committing treason

After all, he's the Prime. He didn't need a reason

Vector Prime looked confused, and blinked once more.

"I still don't understand the whole rhyming thing." He said.

Optimus sighed. "No… Just-… No."

"Optimus Prime, you are a _dick_." Vector Prime stated.


End file.
